The wounded healer: Spiritual research on feminist spiritual leadership nurtured by American zen buddhism

Abstract

My thesis tells a story of self-healing and self-empowerment, a story of how I obtain intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth through spiritual research on American Zen Buddhism. As a female Chinese immigrant in Canada, I have been wounded by people in power under various oppressive social systems. My deepest wound is my father’s domestic violence that I suffer throughout my childhood and youth under Chinese patriarchy. I am able to heal this wound through an autoethnographic field study at some major American Zen centers that have been afflicted with sex scandals. This transformative experience enables me to better deal with challenges in both the personal and professional realms of my life. My story is worth telling because I want to inspire collective awakening. I know that countless people are suffering what I suffered, and I want to let them know there is a way out. My awakening experience enables me to be compassionate for all. Those who abuse others may have been abused. Those who are abused may abuse others. Who is to be healed and liberated? Everyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, or anything. The wisdom and power that one needs to fight inequity and injustice lie in a healed and fearless heart. This Zen-informed spiritual research aims to address an overarching research question: How might American Zen Buddhist teaching and practice heal and empower the wounded people who manifest their healing and empowerment in their whole beings, including research approaches, leadership theorization, teaching practices, and dealing with challenges in personal and professional realms of life? Accordingly, my research makes four primary contributions. First, I develop a Zen-informed spiritual research paradigm that fundamentally transcends the dominant functionalist paradigm. Second, I propose a Zen-informed feminist (androgynous) spiritual leadership model that is not only gender-inclusive but also shedding light on the black box of spiritual transformation. Third, I examine the key features of American Zen teaching practice and explore a Zen-informed spiritual approach to management education that is healing and empowering to students. The fourth contribution of this research depends on its impacts on both you and me in dealing with life’s challenges: Does the research enable you and me to be aware of our hidden wounds, of our collective sufferings, and to access our inner wisdom to show up in compassionate disruptions? Only the wounded healer is able to heal. I am an aspiring wounded healer.